The husband then got off bed went to the kitchen and came back.

Then told her, “Okay! I have powdered my dick with aspirin. U want to take it orally or as injection.”

“It’s liquor, doctor,” she sobbed.

“I’m really a very nice girl, but just as soon as I’ve had a drink or two, I become uncontrollably passionate and I want to make love to whomever I happen to be with.”

“I see,” the analyst said, thoughtfully. “Well, suppose I just mix us up a couple of cocktails here and then you and I can sit down, nice and relaxed, and discuss this compulsive neurosis of yours….”

2 Nurse, did this patient sign the organs donation card?

3 Damn! Page 84 of the manual is missing!

4 Everybody stand back! I lost a contact lens!

5 Hand me that…uh…that uh…..thingy

6 Better save that. We’ll need it for the autopsy.

7 “Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness”

8 Whoa, wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what’s that?

9 “Ya know, there’s big money in kidneys. Hell, he’s got two of them”

10 What do you mean “You want a divorce?”

Then Mummy says, “You’re married to the King of Ah Longs, Pirated DVD and Massage Services AND you live in an 18 bedroom mansion on Holland Road,  you drive a Ferrari, you get $30,000 a month allowance, you take 6 vacations a year and you want to throw all that away for 45 cents????”

Dear Room 635,

I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the management are to leave 3 soaps daily. I hope this is satisfactory.

Kathy,

Relief Maid

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Dear Maid

I hope you are my regular maid. Apparently Kathy did not tell you about my note to her concerning the little bars of soap. When I got back to my room this evening, I found you had added 3 little Camays to the shelf under my medicine cabinet. I am going to be here in the hotel for two weeks and have brought my own bath-size Imperial Leather, so I won’t need those 6 little Camays, which are on the shelf. They are in the way when shaving, brushing teeth etc. Please remove them, S. Berman

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Dear Mr Berman,

The assistant manager, Mr Kensedder, informed me this morning that you called him last evening and said you were unhappy with your maid service. I have assigned a new girl to your room. I hope you will accept my apologies for any past inconvenience. If you have any future complaints, please contact me so I can give it my personal attention. Call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM. Thank you. Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper

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Dear Miss Carmen,

It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the hotel for business at 7:45 AM and don’t get back before 5:30 or 6.00 PM. That’s the reason I called Mr Kensedder last night. You were already off duty. I only asked Mr Kensedder if he could do anything about those little bars of soap. The new maid you assigned me must have thought I was a new check in today, since she left another 3 bars of hotel soap in my medicine cabinet, along with her regular delivery of 3 bars on the bathroom shelf. In just 5 days here I have accumulated 24 little bars of soap. Why are you doing this to me?

S. Berman

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Dear Mr Berman,
Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap to your room and to remove the extra soaps. If I can be of further assistance, please call extension 1108 between 8AMand 5 PM.

Thank you,

Elaine Carmen (Housekeeper)

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Dear Mr Kensedder,
My bath-size Imperial Leather is missing. Every bar of soap was taken from my room, including my own bath-size Imperial Leather. I came in late last night and had to call the bellhop to bring me 4 little Cashmere Bouquets

S. Berman
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Dear Mr Berman,
I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap problem. I cannot understand why there was no soap in your room since our maids are instructed to leave 3 bars of soap each time they service a room. The situation will be rectified immediately. Please accept my apologies for the inconvenience, Martin L. Kensedder (Assistant Manager)
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Dear Mrs Carmen,
Who the hell left 54 little bars of Camay in my room? I came in last night and found 54 little bars of soap. I don’t want 54 little bars of Camay. I want my one damn bar of bath-size Imperial Leather. Do you realise I have 54 bars of soap in here? All I want is my bath-size Imperial Leather.
Please give me back my bath-size Imperial Leather.
S. Berman
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Dear Mr Berman,
You complained of too much soap in your room, so I had them removed. Then you complained to Mr Kensedder that all your soap was missing, so I personally returned them. The 24 Camays which had been taken and the 3 Camays you are supposed to receive daily. I don’t know anything about the 4 Cashmere Bouquets. Obviously your maid, Kathy, did not know I had returned your soaps, so she also brought 24 Camays plus the 3 daily Camays. I don’t know where you got the idea this hotel issues bath-size Imperial Leather. I was able to locate some bath-size Ivory, which I left in your room. Elaine Carmen (Housekeeper)
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Dear Mrs Carmen,
Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap inventory. As of today I possess:

* On the shelf under the medicine cabinet -18 Camay in 4 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2.
* On the Kleenex dispenser - 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 3.
* On the bedroom dresser - 1 stack of 3 Cashmere Bouquet, 1 stack of 4 hotel-size Ivory, and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4.
* Inside the medicine cabinet - 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2.
* In the shower soap dish - 6 Camay, very moist.
* On the northeast corner of the tub - 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly used.
* On the northwest corner of the tub - 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3.
Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the stacks are neatly piled and dusted. Also, please advise her that stacks of more than 4 have a tendency to tip. May I suggest that my bedroom windowsill is not in use and will make an excellent spot for future soap deliveries.

After the study was published, the Universiti Sains Malaysia decided to do their own study. After RM500,000.00, and 3 years of research, they concluded that  the reason was to give the woman more pleasure during sex.

Nilai College, unsatisfied with these findings, conducted their own study. After 2 weeks and a cost of around RM50.00, they concluded that it was to keep a man’s hand from flying off and hitting him in the forehead.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, “Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t stand to see a man cry.”

“No, it’s not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away.”

“I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison.”

After traveling for a while, they get pulled over by a State Trooper. She rolls down her window and the cop says “I need to see your drivers license and vehicle registration please.”

The woman turns to her husband and shouts “WHAT DID HE SAY?”

The husband replies, “HE WANTS YOUR LICENSE AND REGISTRATION!”

The woman gives the documents to the offier and after studying her license the cop says, “Oh, you’re from Chicago. I’ve been there. Actually, the worse piece of ass I ever had was in Chicago!”

The woman turns to her husband and shouts “WHAT DID HE SAY?”

And the husband replies, “HE SAYS HE KNOWS YOU!”

The Doctor said, “Yes, there is. Please pull down your pants.”

Gerry pulled down his pants, the doctor grabbed his testicles and told him to “say 55.”

Gerry said “55.” The doctor then grabbed Gerry’s penis and told him to “say 55.”

Gerry said “55.”

The doctor then told Gerry to turn around, and putting a finger in Gerry’s anus he once again told him to “say 55.”

Gerry said “1…2…3…”

The chief nodded in agreement. The official continued, “Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?”

The chief stared at the government official for over a minute and then calmly replied, “When white man find land, Indians running it. No taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, clean water; women did all the work, medicine man free. Indian man spend all day hunting and fishing; all night having sex.” Then the chief leaned back and smiled. “Only white man dumb enough to think he can improve system like that.”